bitchd

idk ive been thinking lately of why im so distant and mean to michi sometimes or my parents or brother or celine n stuff and i think like idk im just mean to people who love me and care about me????? idk if its cause i wanna push them away or if its that i love them enough to let myself be me and im a huge bitch so its like ????!?! fml sorry

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when i start getting close to someone i literally fall in love w them n get massive crushes bc of the attention they give me n then i realize i mean nothing 2 them and im just their friend n i get sad n get over them like this has happened to me fuckin like 10 times this school yr

gets overwhelmed w sadness bc i dont live near kelly wtf my dad was like oh we r probably not going to ny bc money haha sick and i alreayd told kelly i was going n im sad n i feel bad bc its like come ooooonnnn this is our only chance of meeting for the next like what 50 yrs big sean voice oh god

its getting to the point where i get mad if someone compliments me bc its like ok i know ur outright lying to my face and its just cause u pity me and want me to feel better and i fucking hate it and i tell my friends or my mom to stop or i ask why they say that n they think im just saying shit like this for attention and im not like ????!?!? i honestly dont have any good features and i dont know what ppl see when they compliment me im disgusting and fat and gross and its like ok pllllsssss stop lying to me its better if u just dont say anything ok

i fucking hate being a girl and i hate how everyone thinks its ok to call me shallow and stupid and im scared to be anywhere by myself bc im gonna be taken advantage of im scared of taking a bus or riding a train bc of being harassed by pervs and i hate that im always in danger like wow a guy locking up alone who cares and if its a girl you know someones gonna harass them and try something and im so scared of that happening i hate it i just wanna be a guy like idk i wanna b an androgynous lookin guy and do cute feminine things but still be a fucking guy god ih ate myself

i just miss celine so much and thsi would happen sometimes we grow apart but then its ok like last year around april we became really really close again and it was great and stuff but its not happening this year and im scared bc it shouldve happened by now we shouldve clicked again and i want to be her favorite again n i want to be her best friend and stuff and like we sitll say we’re each others best friends but idk its off im sad i havent hung out w her alone in so long and i feel like itd be awkward ugh

weekend after school lets out melissas going camping with her fam and she invited us but idk her brother n his friends make me kinda uncomfortable and if we go to ny itll be like too much traveling 4 me and im sad bc i wanted me her celina n hannah to do something together and stuff and like idk i asked celine what she was doing and she was like oh..i have to go to like a wine thing n i was like ugh ok i just wanna spend time w u and i said we should go to disneyland bc we havent gone in a while and she was like oh yeah we should go with kacie she gets us in for free and if i say no its like wow saying no 2 free tickets im clearly jealous as hell and thatll put her off probably idk i dont think ive ever admitted to being jealous of kacie but i am side eyeing emoji i wonder if shes jealous of like melissa and hannah part of me hopes she is bc that means she still wants 2 spend time with me but its like wow i am so fuckin immature 

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim sad whats new

eghghghgh i dont wanna anymore